A woman scorned is often one that will never forget. One that will forgive but never recover. Unlucky enough was I, who had participated in a souring and dishonest relationship that lasted short of a year. A complicated year. One full of life changing circumstances and talks of marriage. One in which the families met and were getting along so well! And finally, one that ended in nothing but hell. lol that rhymed!
In this year, I built with my partner what I thought would last a lifetime. Sure, I was unreasonable at times, so was he. Of course, we fought and bickered now and again. And well, a relationship isn't a relationship without me unable to hold my liquor and so vomiting in his bin and in his car? These things were apart of my journey through life, a journey I believed he wanted to share with me. His family loved me and mine loved him. We worked on projects together - some of which succeeded, and some of which failed. He never told me what he truly thought or felt. Perhaps, this was the downfall of our relationship because on the night of our six months anniversary (for young people who don't last very long in relationships, 6 months is a milestone!lol) he was texting another girl. A lesser girl. One he claimed looked and was exactly like me. One we met on the same day at an event we held. Oh, and one who added me on Facebook and talked to me like she was my mate. So it's true what they say - keep your friends close, but your enemies closer?
Tessie was fully aware of my relationship as she continued to home wreck. I do believe, though, that a real and strong bond cannot be broken by simply a girl. Thus, it was for the best. However, this experience taught me about the capacity of man kind to lie and deceive, even the ones they love. This fact, scares me and demolishes my faith in mankind; sad, but true. My surprise lies in her ability to stare me in the face and talk to me as if I was her friend, while she was slowly making her move into my boyfriend's life. Unbelievable. Why do people do this? Especially when they know it is wrong? If she had simply ignored me and continued with her "moving in" on my boyfriend, I don't think I would've been as quite affected as I am. It hurts much more when the person hurting you is someone you know or someone who has showed you kindness or you to them.
Tessie was successful in creating a crazed and untrusting woman unable to put her faith in her new boyfriend. Though it is unfair to attribute all contributing factors to this darling girl, she as well as A play an intrinsic role in the way I feel today. They lied. They deceived. They did it with a smile on their face and at the end of the day, they did not bother to apologise.
Trust is something that is to be earned. Mr C Man, is the new man in my life and I think he has indeed earned my trust. Nevertheless, I fail to be able to give him this trust that he seemingly. I can't figure out why and all I can think of is that once he has all my trust, he has the power to break it and hurt me again. There were periods when I did completely trust him and his "love" for me and I must say, these were the best times of our relationship.
Being sceptical, unbelieving and worried all the time is energy consuming. Energy I need to invest elsewhere! Do I fail to trust him and expect too much of him because of the way I was treated before? Or is it because, though I think he does, he doesn't actually deserve my trust?
My conclusion was: Life is too short to sit and worry about those who will and won't hurt you. You live life as you would want to, do to others as you see fit and if life knocks you down, then you get back up and start again. I guess that is the journey of life after all! As much as that sucks, it happens and there's nothing we can do about it but go with the flow.
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