Learning to trust again

A woman scorned is often one that will never forget. One that will forgive but never recover. Unlucky enough was I, who had participated in a souring and dishonest relationship that lasted short of a year. A complicated year. One full of life changing circumstances and talks of marriage. One in which the families met and were getting along so well! And finally, one that ended in nothing but hell. lol that rhymed!

In this year, I built with my partner what I thought would last a lifetime. Sure, I was unreasonable at times, so was he. Of course, we fought and bickered now and again. And well, a relationship isn't a relationship without me unable to hold my liquor and so vomiting in his bin and in his car? These things were apart of my journey through life, a journey I believed he wanted to share with me. His family loved me and mine loved him. We worked on projects together - some of which succeeded, and some of which failed. He never told me what he truly thought or felt. Perhaps, this was the downfall of our relationship because on the night of our six months anniversary (for young people who don't last very long in relationships, 6 months is a milestone!lol) he was texting another girl. A lesser girl. One he claimed looked and was exactly like me. One we met on the same day at an event we held. Oh, and one who added me on Facebook and talked to me like she was my mate. So it's true what they say - keep your friends close, but your enemies closer?

Tessie was fully aware of my relationship as she continued to home wreck. I do believe, though, that a real and strong bond cannot be broken by simply a girl. Thus, it was for the best. However, this experience taught me about the capacity of man kind to lie and deceive, even the ones they love. This fact, scares me and demolishes my faith in mankind; sad, but true. My surprise lies in her ability to stare me in the face and talk to me as if I was her friend, while she was slowly making her move into my boyfriend's life. Unbelievable. Why do people do this? Especially when they know it is wrong? If she had simply ignored me and continued with her "moving in" on my boyfriend, I don't think I would've been as quite affected as I am. It hurts much more when the person hurting you is someone you know or someone who has showed you kindness or you to them.

Tessie was successful in creating a crazed and untrusting woman unable to put her faith in her new boyfriend. Though it is unfair to attribute all contributing factors to this darling girl, she as well as A play an intrinsic role in the way I feel today. They lied. They deceived. They did it with a smile on their face and at the end of the day, they did not bother to apologise.

Trust is something that is to be earned. Mr C Man, is the new man in my life and I think he has indeed earned my trust. Nevertheless, I fail to be able to give him this trust that he seemingly. I can't figure out why and all I can think of is that once he has all my trust, he has the power to break it and hurt me again. There were periods when I did completely trust him and his "love" for me and I must say, these were the best times of our relationship.

Being sceptical, unbelieving and worried all the time is energy consuming. Energy I need to invest elsewhere! Do I fail to trust him and expect too much of him because of the way I was treated before? Or is it because, though I think he does, he doesn't actually deserve my trust?

My conclusion was: Life is too short to sit and worry about those who will and won't hurt you. You live life as you would want to, do to others as you see fit and if life knocks you down, then you get back up and start again. I guess that is the journey of life after all! As much as that sucks, it happens and there's nothing we can do about it but go with the flow.

Proving a point at the expense of the safety of one's child

When my nieces are in the car with me, my driving automatically becomes ten times better than what it is in their absence. This is mostly because I care for and adore them immensely and would be angered if they were to be put in harms way - especially by me. It is also partly because children often learn from what they see their elders do. Although driving can be quite an aggressive exercise, as the adult in the car, I am the example. The way I carry myself will become indelible in their young easily impressionable minds and, thus, needs to be relatively  appropriately executed. Of course, we're all human beings and are all susceptible to flaws and mistakes. However, what I saw on Monday night on my way to work was a gross disregard for child safety and an example set by the adults which would teach the child that road rage excuses reckless driving.

The mother of three, all of whom were in the car, was driving a black Toyota Corolla. She had pulled out of a 7-11 into the inner lane of two lanes. The Rav4 in the other lane was a Green P plater and must have been given a fright by the sudden appearance of her car. The Rav4, who I shall to refer to as car B, honked at her furiously. The mother of three, whose care I shall refer to as car A, did nothing about it and continued to drive. One might think that this would be the end of the whole saga, but sadly it wasn't.

Car B then proceeded to swerve into car A's path. Shocked by this flippant driving, car A honked at car B several times. In response to this, car B swerved into car A's path another two to three times. Stressful lives and busy schedules exacerbate this issue of road rage, however, with kids in the car, getting even, surely, is not a priority. The ensuing actions of this mother was, in my view, inexcusable. She slowed the car down, moved behind Car B and tried to overtake Car B from the right hand side - she was originally on the left hand lane of two lanes, this means that by overtaking from the right, she would have to be driving against oncoming traffic for some time. As this proved to be ineffective, she then slowed her car down, returned to her original lane, slowed down at the traffic lights then swerved in front of Car B as it was coming to a stop. However, Car B, having seen Car A's manic attempts to "prove a point" decided against breaking and instead ran straight into the front wheel of Car A.

This was an easily avoidable, absolutely inexcusable reckless accident which caused a traffic jam and rendered me late for work. The only person who seemed to be utterly amused by the events was the guy in the car next to mine. He was laughing and clapping at the spectacle he had just witnessed. I tried desperately to hide a grin that was forming because of this when I eventually drove past the accident. When I saw the three young children in the car, my grin immediately turned to concern and then disappointment. How could a mother show such little concern for the well being of her own children?

In the beginning

Blogging. Something I never thought I would take up. Purely because I simply dislike writing and am no good at it. Alas, the GAMSAT requires that I am able to string together sentences that eventually form paragraphs to an amazing, coherent and pensive essay. Impossible.

It's impossibility will be demonstrated throughout my blogs I assume, but please, judge not dear friends. No, I am not an ESL student but after re-reading some of my essays, I almost thought that I was. 

Here it goes!